Using safe words in the sack is one way many couples stay on the same page between the sheets.
But for Locke and Ashley Haman, their safe word, “sassafras,” has less to do with hot and heavy cuddling and more to do with effective parenting.
“When one of us is having a hard time with the kids — we might be very frustrated or completely out of line and not our best moment — we use the safe word to eavesdrop on each other,” Haman, 38, a father married. of four from New Hampshire, told The Post.
And it is currently trending as mother lode from all the attacks of mom and dad.
The safe-talk strategy isn’t “gentle parenting” either, a laissez-faire approach that encourages permissiveness over punishment, nor “benign neglect,” which involves overly independent children growing up without much adult intervention.
Instead, safe words empower parents to cooperatively correct a child’s misbehavior without getting angry or undermining each other.
“If I’m losing control or being too rough with the kids, Ashley says the safe word to let me know I need to step away and let her take over,” said Haman, a lifestyle podcaster.
His words of wisdom “safe words” startled over 4 million views on Instagram from virtual fans of the trick, hailing it as “brilliant” and confirming that it works like “magic”.
“It’s not as exciting as using a safe word in the bedroom,” Haman told The Post, adding that the fashion technique has helped him keep his spirits up during tough times with his squad, all kids. home schooled, ages 5 to 14.
“But it can drastically improve your parenting.”
Yamalis Diaz, a child and adolescent psychologist with NYU Langone Health, agrees.
“The absolute number one rule in co-parenting is to avoid parenting disputes in front of the children,” Diaz said. “It creates a divide between mom and dad, which causes more conflict.”
“If they see one parent interfering with the other parent, it’s almost like the first parent is stepping down,” she explained, “or like they have to parent.”
Safe words, instead, support constructive communication.
“Using these words or phrases tells the angrier parent that they need a break because something they’re saying or doing is not okay,” Diaz said, noting that toddlers, young adults and teenagers often miss the message. when mom or dad is blowing. their top.
She says the best lessons are often learned when cooler heads prevail.
“In safe words, parents are tagging each other in and out of the discussion — almost like wrestlers in a match.”
And to avoid getting caught, the professional suggests parents use small words or short sentences that are common enough to appear in everyday conversations, but still too difficult for children to decipher.
“Using phrases like ‘Yamalis is on the phone’ or ‘Hey, I think we need milk’ are subtle enough that kids won’t notice [them as a parenting tool]”, advised Diaz.
Christina and Giovanni Stabile, 43, just say “yellow” to keep each other from seeing red when it comes to their “strong-willed” 8-year-old son, whose name they chose they kept it for privacy.
“That little word gives us a two-second window of disruption,” said Christina, a self-help influencer from Scranton, Pennsylvania. “It gets us out of a negative space and allows the other parent to label.”
She and Giovanni began implementing safe words two years ago, shortly after their son’s diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It is a condition that often makes him act at home.
“Before, I would get really triggered by his behavior – he would argue with us and get physical sometimes – and I would explode in anger,” Christina confessed. “Now, in my spinout moments, when the man says our safe word and I’m able to step back and walk away from it.”
The pair also rely on the “rope” as a way to secretly ask each other if the issue they’re having with their child is worth pulling, or if it’s better to let go of the rope and let the boy have his own. way in this matter.
“We’re modeling what he should do if he’s ever in conflict,” Christina said. “We’re showing him, in real time, how to lean on a loved one for support through healthy communication.”
And the hack has not only improved the couple’s relationship with their child, but also strengthened their bond as husband and wife.
“We had a lot of conflict because one of us didn’t know how and when to jump into a situation the other had with our son,” Christina said. “But now we’re able to clearly check in with each other, respect each other during difficult parenting situations and stay calm because we have each other’s backs.”
“It’s a game changer.”
#Parents #safe #words #calm #disciplining #children
Image Source : nypost.com